Sitting down in front of my laptop…. Everyday im facing tis laptop more than 12hrs….. except weekend….

Tiring… getting exhausted…. Getting older…. Am look older….. L  getting blur…. Wat happen to me?? Thinking of project?? How settle tis n tat??? Haiz~~~~ cham…. How??? Thinking to go traveling to relax….. erm… actually is planning now…. S’pore??? Bali?? Cambodia???? Which one?? No ticket…. How to go???? When??? June2009??? Or…. Jan2010???? If June2009, may juz only both of us……… I ask him when u prefer?? Coz I reli cant decide…. He said up to u….. im available anytime juz depend on u….. I said if durin June2009 may juz both of us… he said I dun mind…. How bout u???? me??? Erm…. Actually am dunno…. 1 or 2 yrs ago mayb I wil ans I dun mind……. But now, I think….. I mind…. Y a?? dunno le???

Blur… im totally blur…. Blur cin…. Am changed…. I found tat im changed….. startin to hav diff thought…. Mmmm…. Mayb is good for me?? J recall back to the blooding couple case happened few weeks ago in Miri….. im reli cant believe tat case would happen to my own frens…. My best bud as well…. Kenny…. Is tat u??? how could bcome another person??? As I had not seeing u less than a yr…. u reli shocked me!!!! Andy said tat not u….. I dunno… I can imagine if im still at Miri tat time….. dunno wat response I wil hav…. N some even said Shirley is gone!!!!! Wat the F**K!!!!! my brain totally blanl when I heard it…. Gone!!??? Knot b??? keep calling shirley’s hp…. Cant thru… how???? Called ah lik…. Cant thru oso…. Cham…. Is tat true….. I sit in front of my laptop…. Blur n cant think of anything…. Scared…. Reli scared…. Cant tahan…. Walked to jason’s place, I told him wat happen…. He shocked…. End up I cry in front of him… cant control my emotion anymore…. Until late evening… andy called telling Shirley still alive n safe now…. Oh shitt!!! Which stoopid said tat she gone!!!!

Nx day, ah lik called back…. Told me wat he saw on d spot…. Haiz~~~ cant do anything too… it happened too sudden… soo scary man…. Saw own buddy grabbing a knife n killing own gf???!!! n he asked, wat response wil u hav if tat person was me??? R u crazy?? Y u said sth like tis??? U dun try to giv this kind of surprise to me k???? for sure I wil hav the same response as well k…… n mayb…. Even worst?? Dun dare to imagine as welll…. I think I hav to go for body check as I may hav heart attack disease…..

Sei lo sei lo…. Still blur blur…. Sleep more oso cant release it……… hav to go some whr to refresh myself la~~~~~~ planning planning….. :P

Tis few days, found that im easily get tired… dunno y??? last wed, I can slept whole nite without havin any dinner…. After back fr work, take a bath, then slept…. Woke up at 8pm, havin a bowl of “choco tang yuan” (my favourite tong shui), then, read some articles, went to slept again~~~ until the nx morning…..

Thurs, I was at SES havin discussion wif Areva, Mr. Lee and oso SES, Mr. Wong…. Discussed about my 300kV & 145kV circuit breaker….. then we had out lunch at Ringo café, the new opening opposite naim building which selling malay foods but the tauke was Chinese…. Quite nice the foods but then the price higher than others….. hehe… but nvm, as supplier will pay the bill… hehe…… :P lunch ard 2sth, sending Mr. Lee back to Grand Magherita hotel…. Durin the journey back, we were chat a lotz… as he only older than me 6 yrs… but we havin same interest…. Play badminton n basketball…. :P he said, mayb nx time he come, we can play together~~~~ nice nice……

Havin happy mood  on thurs, lin chuang called me ard 12sth, askin for lunch but I cant.. then we date for dinner…. N she said she joining badminton at nite…. After talk wif her, I changed my mind to go badminton which I had informed everyone im not going the day b4…. Haha……….. coz I felt tat im so energetic…. Mayb slept too much the nite b4 and work finished earlier so I change my mind to go…. Then, sms to Gerald telling him tat I had changed my mind and decided to go badminton to9…… and asking him whether he wanna go o not??? And he replied -.-|||~~~~ hihi…. Well, hav to get use to my mood lo… can change very sudden de….. :P blek~~~~

Fri, can considered as bz oso as not bz…. 1^st half day, was not so bz…. Arrived ofix at 9am…. Making calls…. Running up n down for draftman for my switchyard dwgs….. haiz~~~ tiring… was thinking how good if my com hav lift n I no nid to running up n down wif wearing skirt???? But, if wif lift, I think wasting many times toooo…. (-.-|||, wat Im thinking to??? Sot de!!) noon time, havin lunch at Food & Tea at Spring wif Jason, and bunch of my church frens….. we talked till sot sot dei and planning to go for paint ball nx sat at Pasir Pandak…. N me n jason were thinking of, my frens form a team n our side form a team…. Then we can play… hahaah~~~~ n we start to imagine the scene of playing paintball…. -.-||| soooo many idea n sooo hardworking to planning on tis event but seems like we not sooo hardworking for our work le??? Hahhaha XD after lunch, we went to Padini….. hahaha… I grabbed a shoes and a pair of earling… then went back to ofix as omos 3pm lo….

Nightmare coming, arrived ofix at 3pm… doing report… suddenly hp rang… civl sub con called discuss bout report… ok… put down the ph a while… rang again… SES’s trainee engineer called… talk bout nx week meeting… ok put down ph, a while.. rang again!!!!! Designer called…. Talk bout half an hr….. wua~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ while in a call wif designer… call waiting keep coming in fr SES again~~~~ die die die… y so many calls????? Hold designer ans SES…. 430pm….. rush!!!! Rushing to SES to submit my dwgs….. on d way to SES, someone sms…. It was 440pm….. sms: gd morning, wat u doin thr???? I was -.-|||… morning?????!!!!! 440PM la….. n I replied: eveing lo,,, still morning….. I was rushin to Naim to submit my dwgs la…… relied: u left 12minutes to reach Naim oh…. Can u make it????? Haha.. end up I arrived SES at 5.03pm…. hhahhaha…………. Crazy…. The 1^st time my hp low batt til 5% only,….. but still can cont sms on d way home fr Naim which I had trapped into traffic jammed for an hr too….. not bad… at least not alone…. Patrick was acc me too… hahhah……….. but I was very sleepy in the car………… dun worry~~~ still arrived home safely…….. hehe………….

Am I a happy go lucky person?? I nvr know tis…. Until, thr is a fren told me, 2yrs ago…. N I started to think bout it…. Honestly, I like “happy”~~~~ n I hate “sad”…. Wat im doing is juz make myself happy…. N trying to let the ppl surround me is happy…. I hate to c “sad” face….. n I scared to c “moodless” face….. fr d moment my fren told me im a happy go lucky person…. I found tat I reli love to smile….. laugh….. im easily to smile…… n laugh……… n, I will laugh till cry…… for those closed frens, for sure they ever c me laugh til cry……… when I cry, i mean reli cried…. Mayb its very easy to make me smile……….. when im sad, im reli easy to be get into smile whr u juz need to say sth very funny stuff to me….. but dun try to console  me…. I wil cry deeper…. I dunno y??? still cant find out….

Heavy rain now…. I hate raining durin day time……….. I will felt lonely when raining……… but, if heavy durin nite time…. I would like it very much… coz nice sleeping time…. :P  I found tat my self, relii seldom to stay home…. Weekdays working, weekend mostly going out to meet frens……….. shopping…. Etc…… dun like to at home…. As no privacy at home…………. Even I had came back a yr ++, but my clothes still inside my luggages……. Y?? I dunno….. I knew, few of buddies may think weird on me…. Im a lady… I can hang out outside until very very late………… as tat unusual for a lady to b like tis………… previously, I had 3months semester break for my study time… n I cant stay my hz more than a month…. N I wil get into quarelling wif my mom……… I dunno y tis happen to me……… I cant reli talk much wi f my mom………… I knew thr r many prob happen among my family………… I would like to solve it……….. but I cant………….. thr is not my side to make the decision………….. I cant do anything…………. So now, I juz can run away fr it………… I dun want  to think bout it…. N I dun even want to listen n to know wat going on…… I juz say I dun want to know…. I dun want to listen……….. dun tel me…………. Im not interested in it…….. everytime it happen, n I said like tis… deep in my heart, im reli hurt………. I know it hurting ppl…. But im hurt too…. Who know it??? No body know…. Coz I nvr telling ppl bout tis… n I owes show my happy moment to ppl……………..  

I know im a bad gal to my mom….. I dun want to b lidat too…. But I reli cant speak properly to my mom……… n I found tat my mom not reli understand me tooo…. As im her daughter…….. I failed in tis…. Tat my big failure……….. tat y I dun like to be at home…… sometimes, tat y, I owes went out,… to avoid all tis…… Sandra said, u love ur family to much… although, physically u seems like treating them badly, but internally, u r loving them… very much….. I think so…. N I wish too…. My buddies may found tat, I nvr talk bout my family…. Nvr…. Only talk bout myself………… n very less….. my EQ very very weak………. Im easily get change mood……….. I tot myself wont involve in pressured or stressed moment…. actually I did.... long long ago…. Tat fr my family…. But not bcoz of study or working…………. Thr is only timing……. When everything happened in d same timing………. N I wil got into trouble again…………… like 2 yrs ago………… it happen…………. N I omos collapse…. Mayb, thr is the reason I have panda eyes………… haha….. I think some one may said tat tis only a reason for me to excuse……….. welll, mayb it was… bcoz everytime im speaking to u like a joke even tat the truth….